# The Atlas

## Derailed Plans

Is it too late to wish everyone a good new year in April?

_Probably._

Oh well. That's what I get for somehow letting the last several months lapse without writing. So, time to get back to it. It's not as if life doesn't regularly give me things worth capturing.

**Making the choice not to plan is HARD when you're a planner**

Once a project manager, always a project manager... or at least a planner. I may not be much of a project manager anymore (that's an understatement!), but I still consider a plan to be an incredibly valuable security blanket for my psyche. Someone recently observed that I have 'Plan A through Z, with back-up plans for each version.'

And that's true. _Almost_ always. But definitely for things that I consider important.

So when circumstances slap around your plans over and over again, what do you do?

**Option A:** Keep going back to the drawing board and re-planning.

**Option B:** Sit back and let things unfold without trying to map it all out.

Option A feels better for a typical Type-A personality, for sure. But after a few times, it gets very clear that you are just wasting your time. And if there is one thing I loathe more than not having a plan, it's wasting my time.

_So I picked Option B._

**Holy crap, is that hard.** I find myself lying in bed at night, unable to sleep, casually dropping into mental planning. I walk the dog, I talk through a plan to the puppy as if he cares. When I meditate and realize my mind has wandered, it's to go back to planning.

Making the CHOICE not to plan has been kicking my butt. But I also realize that there are times when the false security of a plan that is destined to get changed again doesn't serve me, whereas learning to exercise some discipline for my compulsion really could.

**So I try not to plan.**

Interestingly, the thing I have most come to realize in this effort: _my need to constantly be mentally planning and re-planning is at the heart of my tendency to live in my head so much that I miss what is going on around me._ It's just a non-physical form of a distraction addiction, like playing video games or binging YouTube videos non-stop. And it's why so often realize that I didn't notice something or I didn't remember which route I took to get home.

Where is the line between **helpful contingency planning and compulsive hiding-in-your-head?**

I'm not sure I know. But I'm working on it.

In the meantime, Lawrence and I have been continuing with our podcast and it is now also [available on iTunes](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grow-or-die/id1509514368). So check out what we've managed in [Season 2 of Grow or Die](https://anchor.fm/grow-or-die) so far, and let us know what you think.

I hope you all have a great week, and I look forward to getting back into my writing routine again. It's been far too long.

Happy dragon slaying!

Best,